The house of the Lord

"Ok everybody, come this way please..." A slightly pudgy cherub motioned for the orientation group to follow him down a concrete, tree lined pathway. "Right, so I'm going to be your guide today, my name is Harachel, and I'm going to show you around your new quarters in the house of the Lord. Ok, so did everyone get their paperwork? You should have received a big envelope like this one with your paperwork in it." he held aloft a fat white document envelope and waved it above the onlookers. "Don't worry about filling it out now, there will be time to do that after the tour. Ok, this way please!"

The angel continued down the path towards a towering building. As he walked, Harachel looked over his shoulder at the group of new arrivals. “So, how are you all settling in?”

The souls looked at each other in quiet confusion, their tongues gone un-excercised for years, sometimes for centuries during their stay at the bus station at Limbo.

Undeterred, Harachel continued: "Right, so, as I'm sure many of you know, if you've arrived here after your time on Earth, the lord is contractually obligated as per the conditions laid out in the book of John, chapter fourteen, verse two, to provide you with lodging and board in His House with Many Rooms. So, to that end, we have provided this place for you all to live forever and ever in his glory, amen. All of your basic needs, such as food, indoor plumbing and basic cable TV service are included, and there are shared bathrooms on the west wing of each floor. Also, all residents have use of the laundry facilities and game room on the first floor. It includes a foosball table and a full sized pool table and there are bi-weekly pool tournaments held there on the first and third Tuesday of every month. Talk with Urim at the front desk for sign up details."

They drew closer to the building. It was immensely tall, piercing through the cloud cover and throwing a cyclopean shadow over the ground below. It was made of pale blonde bricks and bristled with air conditioning units and fire escape ladders. It had an institutional feel about it, the kind of place you'd expect to have checked tile floors scuffed from millions of footsteps and crude graffiti etched into the walls. the grass was patchy and brown. A tattered old orange couch sat off to the side of a playground.

"So, there is a kitchenette included with each unit, but we do have regularly scheduled meals in the  cafeteria, you'll find that just off the common room I told you about before on the first floor. There you can come and partake of the blessings of the Lord, and don’t forget about pizza Fridays and brunch on the weekends until 12:30. Otherwise, there’s usually a selection of cold sandwiches, pasta dishes, and a lovely salad bar"

They stopped in front of the building. It swallowed up their peripheral vision in its magnitude.

"Now, once you get settled in, you may want to head over to the office of post-mortem reunions, that's not part of this tour, but it's in that building over there," the angel gestured towards a nondescript brick building down the street, "it's a pretty popular destination for the newly-arrived here."

"Well, let's go get you all your room assignments!", chirped Harachel, and he led the souls through a set of double doors. They squeaked as they opened. The group proceeded into the reception area of the house of the Lord.

There was a small lobby with a pair of potted plants bookending an old blue sofa that faced the doors. It was the kind of sofa that women instinctively knew to avoid and dogs found themselves unable to resist. There was nothing outwardly wrong with it, but it had an untrustworthy air. To the right of the sofa was a bank of vending machines serving cold drinks, packaged snacks, and instant coffee.

"Everybody, this is Urim," Harachel gestured towards a taciturn angel seated in a service window in the middle of a wall of locked mail boxes. "you'll be seeing a lot of Urim here, he runs the day to day administration of the house of the Lord with many rooms." Urim sat hunched over a stack of mail and gave a cursory glance over the rims of his glasses at the assembled crowd and gave a short grunt of acknowledgment before returning to the task at hand.

Harachel picked up a sheet of paper off the desk at which Urim was working, and cleared his throat. "I'm going to read your names off this list in alphabetical order, followed by your room number... Adams? Aaron Adams? Room 926473289, you have three roommates, I actually did their orientation sessions too, say hello to them for me! Here are your keys, front door and room door”, and with that, he waved the soul off down the hallway towards the elevators. “Alright, next we have... Another Adams! Alexis Adams? There you are, your assignment is room 7453522892, and your keys."

And one by one, the angel of the lord recited the names of the saved, and unto them distributed their door keys and a welcome bag of promotional swag, including several buy one, get one half-off coupons for locally available goods and services.