A short monologue from a Koopa Troopa

Oh, I don’t know, to be honest with you, the job’s pretty easy and I get surprisingly good benefits considering it was an entry-level position. What do I do? Well, see that big green pipe over there? Yeah, that one, sticking straight out of the ground. Yep, that’s the one. The one with the carnivorous vine that pops out every so often. Right, so I basically patrol from that green pipe over there with the toothy vine thing to that other pipe over there . Back and forth. Yeah, It is a little tedious, but I’m fresh out of school, and given the state of the economy I’m lucky to have a job at all.

How did I get the position? There was a recruiter, he showed up at school one day, told everybody about all the opportunities for careers with Bowser’s Koopa army, how they had all these big plans for expansion, it seemed like a pretty great opportunity. Get in on the ground floor of something big, right? And Bowser seems like a pretty motivated guy, just the kind of guy you’d want in a leadership position. Oh, sorry, yeah, you’re gonna have to keep up, part of the job description is that I have to keep walking back and forth all day between these two pipes. It’s just that I really can’t afford to lose this job, I hope that’s ok with you.

I’m just happy I’m not doing general labor, the number of bottomless pits we’re having to set up around here is pretty spectacular, and hot lava transport is pretty dangerous stuff.

You know, to be frank, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be on the lookout for. Insurgent locals? I don’t even know what the locals look like. I guess if I run across a hostile character I’ll know, huh?

No, I really don’t mind the tedium that much, I mean, I’m the kind of  guy who likes to keep physically active anyway. They were hiring for some back-office admin positions, but there’s just no way I could sit in a cubicle all day long, I’d go crazy. So yeah, given the choice, I’d rather get paid to patrol between these two pipes all day long than have to listen to a bunch of inane chatter from my co-workers around the water cooler.

Hey, did you hear that? That’s weird. No, I thought I heard something, that’s all. Like  somebody was smashing bricks or something. Whatever, anyway, I really ought to get back to work, but it was nice talking to - Holy shit, what are those, fireballs? OW! DAMNIT! DUDE, I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE, DON’T STEP ON ME! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU A-